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| Durrr. |
I still have a perfectly functioning NES and SNES (and a shitty e-Reader that works on neither of them), but since dad likes to spend half the year down in Florida, he didn't want to separate me from my 8- and 16-bit collections for such a long period of time, especially since I still have Secret of Mana and Willow to finish up, and I WILL FINISH THEM EVENTUALLY! I hope.
After repeatedly hearing, "I ordered that unit, Jerod" until the day it finally arriv... no, wait, he actually still says it periodically while playing... sigh, I finally dug through my collection to find whatever might be suitable for dad's now-limited gaming capabilities. The thing about that is his unwillingness to take the time to reacquaint himself with the controls and quirks. I stupidly believed it was due to his diminishing motor skills, but he's really just acting out his role as a technophobic geezer. I don't even understand why in this situation. I'm not introducing him to something new. What's worse is that, more often than not, dad will interrupt any sort of assistance with, "I don't fucking know what's..." or he'll make a piss-poor attempt to work with me for a few moments before raising his voice again in frustration. This makes the selection process especially difficult. Forget about the SNES games. The man has enough trouble locating the Select button and remembering when to press A or B. Ultimately, I brought him Super Mario Bros., The Legend of Zelda, Rad Racer, and Baseball Stars. He has played The Adventures of Bayou Billy, Contra, and Simon's Quest before, but those three are frustrating for gamers in their prime. In his physical condition, it'd be cruel to subject him to anything best known for being Nintendo Hard. Also, he'd never be able to figure out the Konami code, even if I wrote it down for him.
Of the four, dad's focus is squarely set upon Baseball Stars, the game that drove him to buy the Retro Duo in the first place. For those of you not fortunate enough to have enjoyed such a game, Baseball Stars is a sports title from the dreaded Sports genre of sports-related video gaming (which we TRUE gamers all despise IMMENSELY) that adds delicious RPG elements to it in order to create a super sexy fun experience with America's Japan's favorite pastime. Yeah, I know. I was dumbstruck when I realized I was still wanting to play after finishing the first game against the CPU.
To accomplish this miracle, SNK added a few things not originally seen in the sports genre. The most interesting is a save feature provided by a battery backup system that allowed the game to record basic statistics, such as the wins and losses of a particular team and who has the best batting average or the lowest pitching ERA. Not bad for something from '89, but there's a more notable purpose for that battery:
Believe it or not, another feature not previously seen on the NES was the ability to actually make your own teams and hire players for them, including women. Wait, is this the first baseball video game to include female players? Ha! What's next? Female assassins in a co-op mode?
Baseball Stars allows for the creation of up to six teams, fourteen in all, which is the same number of teams provided by Tecmo Baseball, a U.S. exclusive title that was released six months prior, but it offered no women, no customization, and no football. Seriously, who the fuck wants Tecmo without football?
In addition to hiring and trading players for your team, there's the option to "permanently suspend" them. Not surprisingly, the player is punished with the only sad piece of chip music heard throughout the game and treated to this disheartening image:
I always feel guilty firing my players, except Moby. Good thing I can just train the rest of them thanks to that RPG element I mentioned earlier.
As you clobber the CPU, your team wins money that allows you to buy better players, pie, or stat points:
So we've got customization, catchy music, a save feature, women, Zangief, and a leveling system. What else would a sports-hating true gamer want? Well, SNK actually programmed off-screen fielders to head towards fly balls and cover empty bases in an effort to minimize doubles and triples. Plus, not only can your teammates jump and slide to get the ball, but they also only have to be nearby to catch it. If you've played an assortment of NES games in the past, then you've probably run into a few situations where the hit detection works against the player. I've certainly fallen straight through platforms enough times to want to snap my controller in half. Here, the hit detection intentionally favors casual players, which, coincidentally, also favors old, obnoxious fathers who are quick to give up at the slightest hint of a struggle. Even if you don't care, I'm certainly thankful.
By now, you're probably asking yourself why I even bothered typing this love note to a 25-year-old sports title that is no longer relevant thanks to younger, better-looking games offering up all sorts of various single-player modes, online features, and actual soundtracks. Well, it's because I've been constantly hearing that in-game loop throughout the house for the last month and it seems I can't focus on typing up something else until I get this game out of my mind. Obviously, I didn't type this to be entertaining, but I guess I could take this opportunity to end the post with a few inquiries for SNK. Ahem, in the sequel...
Why did you remove the women?
Why did you remove the option to name custom teams and players?
Why did you make the stats more expensive if the payout for winning is the same?
Why did you reduce the randomized stat gain potential if the stats are more expensive?
Why did you punish the casual audience you earned with the first game by making these changes?
Lastly, and most importantly, when are you going to start localizing the Doki Doki Majo Shinpan! franchise? I mean, we can't let NIS have all the glory, can we?
After repeatedly hearing, "I ordered that unit, Jerod" until the day it finally arriv... no, wait, he actually still says it periodically while playing... sigh, I finally dug through my collection to find whatever might be suitable for dad's now-limited gaming capabilities. The thing about that is his unwillingness to take the time to reacquaint himself with the controls and quirks. I stupidly believed it was due to his diminishing motor skills, but he's really just acting out his role as a technophobic geezer. I don't even understand why in this situation. I'm not introducing him to something new. What's worse is that, more often than not, dad will interrupt any sort of assistance with, "I don't fucking know what's..." or he'll make a piss-poor attempt to work with me for a few moments before raising his voice again in frustration. This makes the selection process especially difficult. Forget about the SNES games. The man has enough trouble locating the Select button and remembering when to press A or B. Ultimately, I brought him Super Mario Bros., The Legend of Zelda, Rad Racer, and Baseball Stars. He has played The Adventures of Bayou Billy, Contra, and Simon's Quest before, but those three are frustrating for gamers in their prime. In his physical condition, it'd be cruel to subject him to anything best known for being Nintendo Hard. Also, he'd never be able to figure out the Konami code, even if I wrote it down for him.
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| I don't remember this stage being so simple. |
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| Whew. Much better! |
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| Of course he was. Nobody listens to techno! |
As you clobber the CPU, your team wins money that allows you to buy better players, pie, or stat points:
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| He may be slow, but if the ball he hits never lands, then I guess it doesn't matter. |
By now, you're probably asking yourself why I even bothered typing this love note to a 25-year-old sports title that is no longer relevant thanks to younger, better-looking games offering up all sorts of various single-player modes, online features, and actual soundtracks. Well, it's because I've been constantly hearing that in-game loop throughout the house for the last month and it seems I can't focus on typing up something else until I get this game out of my mind. Obviously, I didn't type this to be entertaining, but I guess I could take this opportunity to end the post with a few inquiries for SNK. Ahem, in the sequel...
Why did you remove the option to name custom teams and players?
Why did you make the stats more expensive if the payout for winning is the same?
Why did you reduce the randomized stat gain potential if the stats are more expensive?
Why did you punish the casual audience you earned with the first game by making these changes?
Lastly, and most importantly, when are you going to start localizing the Doki Doki Majo Shinpan! franchise? I mean, we can't let NIS have all the glory, can we?
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| Yes, while I watch. Is that a problem? |
